This would have been titled the 'worst 10 drinks'. but thats so blase. Because really, I'm sure there are 10 horrific drinks that even I haven't thought of that deserve mention. What we are merely trying to accomplish here is to give you, gentle reader, a slight reminder of the things that you should have left behind in your rah rah days (ahem college). Remember, you are an adult now, master of thine own destiny. Drink like it. As for those of you reading this who do not fall into that category (read: tweens, teens, and almost there), a glimpse of alcoholic horrors await you in the next few coming years [don't say you weren't warned...]
1. Rum and Coke.
Ok, so the problem with this drink (and many of its brethren, vodka and 7up...basic formula being <insert alcohol here> + <insert sweet soft drink here>) is that let's face it... you want to get drunk, but you haven't yet acquired a taste for the pleasures of the martini. You want the easy path. All the buzz in a syrupy package. Or at least in a vehicle you know, thus the soda component. The problems are several-fold however. First, since the soda masks the alchohol, one tends to keep drinking and drinking and.... (recipe for disaster). Beyond the hangover, you may learn to avoid the soda component entirely if you've gone on a particularly nasty bender. Plus, the amount of sugar you are consuming can make it an 'interesting' buzz....Skip the soda. Just drink the rum or whatever.
2. Sex on the Beach.
Ugh. Orange juice. Triple sec. Vodka.
Stupid name, and nasty drink. Too much sweet and basically it's the same principle as #1 above.
For those who want to get drunk, but don't really want to savor the tastes of the alcohol along the way. Sex on the Beach is a bit like Pamela Anderson. Appealing on the outside (big blond hair, full lips), but not so meaningful on the inside (silicon implants, probable botox).
3. Harvey Wallbanger
See number 2 above.
4. Screaming orgasm
Same principle as number 2 and 3 above, but with 'ooooh' a titillating title attached to it.
More like screaming sugary mess. Bleah.
5. White Russian
Ok so this one technically shouldn't be on this list as we still know respectable adults who love to indulge in one or two occasionally. It's not that it's a bad drink per se, but the taste of the Kalua or whatever cocoa type liquer of choice you end up using tends to get a bit 'lost' in all of the sweetness. Sneak one on the side if you have to, but really, isn't it time you graduate to more 'interesting' things?
6. Daiquiri
Admittedly, we were a bit torn about including this one as well. Especially since of late, we've had some pretty good Daiquiris. Perhaps it comes down to the ingredients, in which case, we make a caveat on this one. Daiquiris made with the mix that comes in the plastic bottle? Bleah, right out and right on this list. Daiquiris made with fresh ingredients, and top shelf alcohol? Not on this list, and happily consumed (drink on!)
7. Whiskey with a shot of Red Hot
How could we put together a list that didn't include this lapse in judgement? Admittedly, this was the brainchild put together after imbibing too many of the above cocktails. And at the time, it seemed like a great idea. Straight alcohol + a shot of hot pepper and salt. Mmmm tasty?
Mmmm no.
8. Rocky Mountain Copper Shots
(rumplemintz + jaegermeister) = mouthwash.
In fact, you'd probably be better off chugging that trial size container of scope or listerine.
9. Everclear
The warnings on the label say it all.
Rubbing alcohol.
Blech.
10. ANYTHING with Blue Curacao
I have a fundamental suspicion of any alcohol that has such an unnatural color.
No grain or fruit or vegetable that I know in nature yields this hue.
And sure enough, read the ingredient label, and oh! it's sugar + blue coloring + some alcohol.
Do yourself a favor and skip the artificial additives. The alcohol is all you really need.
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